Perhaps we’re equally attached to places and feelings-not just possessions or people. I moved into a new residence recently. I often go back to my old neighbourhood to visit my friend. Then I find myself gazing at my balcony, now devoid of pots and plants, wind chimes and curtains. Every time I feel a pang. That home is not mine any more. New people will come, and it will feel new to them. But, no amount of whitewashing can wipe the memories it’s given me. Memories I can only summon but can’t touch. Or relive.
We cling so tightly to lost things. Have you felt like your life lost that much more meaning when you misplaced your hair clip, or couldn’t find your favourite cup to drink coffee? What do you feel when you look back on your bygone summer holidays? You sigh wistfully because summer holidays now don’t let you rejoice in the ‘end-of-exam’ feeling. They mean more college assignments, internships or work. You cannot understand when kids these days say they’re ‘bored’ during the vacation. You wonder whether they know what it feels like to pick mangoes, or play tag on the streets. To simply just fall asleep tired and hot, but happy.
You find patterns emerging. Life passes so fast, faster than the 25 frames per second you see on TV. With each new day, you find yourself yearning for the past. You want to stop this train, get off and trace your way backwards. You want to walk on the tracks, even though you know you could get run over. You want to hold your fist so tight, although when you wake up in the morning, your hands and mind are empty. The only thing they leave behind are nail marks. Clawing at something you can never regain.
And if we didn’t have these memories to look back on, we wouldn’t have anything to come home to. Think of it like a warm cushion you sink into every once in a while. When you come back to reality, it’s not as hard as you thought. Your present will soon become another memory. Cold or warm, you decide.